Best Friends vs Family

How much do you like your family? Or can you measure it? Actually, most people love their family, no matter what; rich or not. It is the truth. However, nowadays most families have a lot of problems with character, economics, and trouble among family members. This is a basic unit of social and very important unit. We cannot imagine our lives without the family unit. If we do not have a family unit, we are like animals.

In contrast, people who are friends really like and trust each other, no matter what they do or who they are. Everyone wants to have a best friend and their relationship does not break easily, because they can exchange memories and experiences. Sometimes when I recall my old friends, I think of good memories with my friends. There is a controversy about who is friendlier? Best friend or family?

Although some people say that family is better friendly to talk something, I firmly believe that the best friend is better to talk anything because he/she is always a friend, easier to talk anything, and you can trust each other.

10 Points to Maintain Friendship

1. FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN GIVE TO A FRIEND, NOT WHAT YOU CAN GET OUT
OF A FRIENDSHIP.
- If being happy is your only motive for wanting someone to be your
friend, then you are not being a real friend. Don’t get caught up in
keeping tabs on who has given most in the friendship. Give to your
friends regardless of how much they give to you.

2. ENCOURAGE YOUR FRIEND.
- Real friends inspire and push each other to be the best that they
can be, rather than drag each other down. They are happy when other
people achieve their goals.

3. BE WILLING TO FORGIVE.
- Don’t let hurt turn to grudge. This is one sure way to destroy a
friendship. Forgive your friend and move on.

4. TACTFULLY POINT OUT THEIR MISTAKES.
- This is one way to show concern for others. If you really care, you
will tactfully point out a specific example for his own good. But
once you’ve brought the problem to your friend’s attention, don’t
harp on it all the time. Don’t walk away from a friendship when you
see some of your friend’s faults. Be patient with a friend as he or
she tries to change. Realize that nobody is perfect.

5. BE RELIABLE.
- When you say you are going to be there, be there.

6. DON’T TRY TO CONTROL YOUR FRIENDS.
- Real friendship does not mean you always have to be together. It
may be tempting to have a fun person all to yourself, and feel
threatened when your friend spends time with others. If you are
afraid to let your friends out of your sight, you are probably afraid
of losing them. Good friendship will endure time spent apart. You and
your friends may learn to appreciate each other even more.

7. BE THERE FOR THE GOOD AND THE BAD TIMES.
- Celebrate with them if your friends are excited about something.
But don’t be there just for the good times. When your friend is upset
about something, give them your full attention. Most of the time,
what friends really need is a sympathetic ear, someone who understand
their feelings.

8. LEARN TO ACCEPT PERSONALITY DIFFERENCES IN YOUR FRIENDS.
- Be careful not to evaluate other people by how you react in a
particular situation. Do not automatically take your friends’
behaviour personally.

9. DON’T BE A BLABBERMOUTH.
- Learn and be willing to keep each other’s secrets.

10.DON’T LET ARGUMENTS DESTROY YOUR FRIENDSHIP.
- Suppose you’re having a discussion with a friend and after you’ve
said what you think is true, they still disagree. Don’t keep arguing
until you get mad with each other. Just drop it. Your desire to win
the argument may ruin your friendship.

Source: http://www.trap17.com/index.php/10-Good-Points-Maintain-Friendship_t32087.html

Friendship Poetry: The Best of Friends by Jill Wolf

The best of friends,
Can change a frown,
Into a smile,
when you feel down.

The best of friends,
Will understand,
Your little trials,
And lend a hand.

The best of friends,
Will always share,
Your secret dreams,
Because they care.

The best of friends,
Worth more than gold,
Give all the love,
A heart can hold.

 

Friendship Poetry: You are nver alone by KC

You’re never alone, I’m always near,
When your troubled, down or blue.
All you have to do is call me,
I’m always here for you.

It doesn’t matter where I’m at,
It doesn’t matter when.
When you need someone to talk to,
I’m here to be your friend.

If you need someone to hold your hand,
or a hug to say I care.
If you need a shoulder to cry on,
for you I will be there.

So never think you are a burden,
when the weight gets to be to much.
You might find if look hard enough,
a good friend could be the right touch.

You’re never alone, I’m always here,
through the good times and the bad.
I’m always here to be your friend,
I don’t like to see you sad.

 

Friendship Poetry: I have a friend by Ashley

I have a friend
Who is perfect for me
She listens to all my problems
No matter how dumb they may be

She likes herself for who she is
And never tries to change
She tells me to be myself
And that I should never change

She was shy on the phone
But she would still call
And we would talk for hours
About nothing at all

We would talk about love and life
And discuss what we wanted to be
She knew just how I felt
And how happy I could be

She listens to me patiently
But never judges what I do or say
She helped with all my problems
And never went away

I never once felt judged by her
How much that meant to me
That I could tell her all my dreams
And she would listen to me

My friend never goes and tells
What is dear to me
She keeps it all bottled up inside
And doesn’t spread it like a bee

I am thankful for that friend of mine
Our friendship will never end
And she will always be there
For she is my best friend

Friendship Poetry: What I owe you by Mary Olszewski

This is a list
Of what to expect
From me to you
With love and respect
I owe you an ear
Cuz u would always pay attention
I owe you a shoulder
Cuz on yours lies my affection
I owe u a hand
You always helped out
I owe u advice
Of that there’s no doubt
I owe u respect
Of that your full
I owe trust
With my secrets you were cool
I owe you knowledge
You taught me so much
I owe you love
Deep in my heart, you touched
I owe you a friend
Who is honest and true
I owe you my life
Because of what you still do

 

National Vital Statistics Reports in the United States

The Rate of Births, Marriages, Divorces, and Deaths

   Year       Births      Marriages    Divorces    Deaths    Population (in millions)

   2003      14.1            7.7                  3.8               8.3              291.4

   2004      14.0            7.8                  3.7               8.1              293.6

   2005      14.0            7.5                  3.6                8.2             296.5

   2006      14.3             7.3                  3.7               8.1              299.1

   2007      14.3             7.3                  3.6               8.0              302.2

   2008       13.9             7.1                  3.5               8.1               304.5

Note:

 1. All rates are per 1,000 total population.

 2. The date are based on 12 months ending with December.

 3. Marrage and divorce data in this report are counts of all events occurring in the state that were received in the registration offices during the 1-month period. Divorce figures include reported annuments. There is considerable variability among the states in the produces that are used to submit the counts of marriages and divorces to NCHS and in the extent to which the states update their counts of marriages and divorces as new information is received.

This dates are based on “U.S. department of Health and human Services.”

We know the current U.S. divorce rate that 50% of American marriages will end in divorce.

In 2008,

• Number of marriages: 2,162,000
• Marriage rate: 7.1 per 1,000 total population
• Divorce rate: 3.5 per 1,000 population (44 reporting States and D.C.)

Barna report: Variation in divorce rates among Christian faith groups:

Denomination (in order of decreasing divorce rate)	% who have been divorced
Non-denominational **	34%
Baptists	29%
Mainline Protestants	25%
Mormons	24%
Catholics	21%
Lutherans	21%

** Barna uses the term “non-denominational” to refer to Evangelical Christian congregations that are not affiliated with a specific denomination. The vast majority are fundamentalist in their theological beliefs.

Barna’s results verified findings of earlier polls: that conservative Protestant Christians, on average, have the highest divorce rate, while mainline Christians have a much lower rate. They found some new information as well: that atheists and agnostics have the lowest divorce rate of all.  George Barna commented that the results raise “questions regarding the effectiveness of how churches minister to families.” The data challenge “the idea that churches provide truly practical and life-changing support for marriage.“ 

Donald Hughes, author of The Divorce Reality, said:

“In the churches, people have a superstitious view that Christianity will keep them from divorce, but they are subject to the same problems as everyone else, and they include a lack of relationship skills. …Just being born again is not a rabbit’s foot.”

Hughes claim that 90% of divorces among born-again couples occur after they have been “saved.”

From: http://www.religioustolerance.org/chr_dira.htm

 

Common Marriage Problems – Avoiding common marriage problems in your conflicts: http://www.squidoo.com/maincausesofdivorce,  

http://marriage.eharmony.com/advice/marriage-problem-1.html

http://marriage-rescue.com/

 

 

The Causes and Effects of Divorce in Korea

Do you know lots of your close friends have chosen to get divorced more than your thought? This state of affair is becoming a severe problem in our society and family. I have looked into the main causes and effects of divorce. In fact, we are already known from television, magazine, and newspaper articles that getting divorced has a variety of reasons, and it causes a lot of problems. According to the reports of AsiaNews.it(2006) in Korea “The divorce rate is rising among people with more than 26 years of marriage behind them: they account for 19% of the total number of cases in the first six months of 2006. Some analysts have said the reason for this phenomenon could be found in an evolving society that seeks to be ever more similar to its western counterpart.” Consequently, there are several reasons why divorce rate increased in Korea; financial problems, lack of communication, and the harmful influence of the media. Thus, their effects are very severe results to the individual person and our society, such as increasing single parent families, a lot of women work outside home to earn money, and the remarriage rate has increased too.

It is easy to recognize some of the causes for divorce. One of the most ordinary factors is financial problems which can bring about separation. Many people want to get lots of money instead of having good families. In addition, many people think that money is the best valuable thing in their life. Thus, some people like to buy lottery regularly. Many families easily decide to divorce each other when people have a lot of debt, or have not to earn money. To earn money is very important in order to educate, live, and relax in our life, but that is not everything in life. However, since the divorce rate is increasing, families sometimes can’t support or help each other. For this reason, money is everything nowadays. The financial condition is one of main cause of divorce in Korea. 

Language is a means of communication. When the couple is dating, man talks a lot with girlfriend. But after married, the husband does not talk a lot normally. The short time for talking causes misunderstanding. For examples, many Korean people do not talk with wife back to home from his office in married couples. Thus, lack of communication is one of main cause of divorce. When I was a bishop in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Days Saints in South Korea, I learned that a lot of the young married couples would like to talk with their friends instead of their spouse when they are angry. Normally, the husband and wife are good counselors and friends to each other; however, they sometimes do not have friendship with a spouse. Sometimes, the spouse just gives advice and instructions to each other. Another thing, some family members do not listen to the member of family sincerely. A spouse should think each other like best friends. The main reason of divorce and broken families are cause by not having communication or having miscommunication.

The other main cause of divorce is the harmful influence of the media. Nowadays, if we open the newspaper, watch TV, and read magazine, they are full of examples of negative influence of the mass media for families. It is one of main topic in these mass media. First time, all of the bride and groom made a promise. They trusted each other. When I stayed in Korea, about one year ago, I knew a divorced woman who did not sleep every evening because she could not understand her situation why she was unhappy. It was unfavorably impressed in my mind because she deeply regretted that she decided her divorce very quickly. If you turn on the TV in the evening, you can see the drama easily that most famous people do not respect their spouse. Maybe it was general events in our society this generation. On the other hand, the faith and trust are very important to keep and to develop relationship between husband and wife after getting married. Therefore, the destructive influence of the media is one of main cause for divorce in these days.   

Increasing divorce increases the number of single parent families in our society. Furthermore, the children from single parent families have married when they grow up, and then they will have divorcing again compared with general family. They naturally studied how to solve the problems between husband and wife during married life. According to the reporter of CBSNEWS (March 10, 2005) “A recent poll by the Korean Single Parent Research Institute pointed out that 35 percent of 500 single parents said they felt discouraged and frustrated, not by the practical difficulties, but by the nation’s prejudice toward single-parent families.” Although it was year 2005 reports, it was not lower number of single parent families. Thus, the single parent families in Korea are increasing rapidly.

The divorce in Korea affects all aspects of woman’s life style. For this reason, the children who lost their father or mother by divorce are sometimes more likely to get involved in crime more than their normal family because a lot of their parents work outside home. Most women who are divorced have serious problems with taking care of their children. They need to support their children, and make money outside home. Therefore, because of increasing divorce, increasing number of woman work outside home to earn money.

As result of the increasing divorce, many people want looking for their spouse for remarrying. According to the reports of AsiaNews.it(2006) in Korea “As the age of divorced people climbs, the remarriage rate has increased too. In 2005 there were more than 2,000 marriages between men and women aged more than 65.” However, sometimes the remarriage are having serious problems because their children do not accept their new parents. In addition, remarry industries are booming in Korea. It is not critical topic in our conversation anymore. One of my friend, he was married last year, he really like to her second spouse, and they feel happy. As a consequence of increasing divorce, the remarriage rate has increased too.

In conclusion, actually, most people love their family. However, in Korea, nowadays most families have a lot of problems with home economic problems, having miscommunication, and have harmful influences of the media. As a consequence of these families’ problems, our societies are increasing single parent families, lots of woman work outside home to earn money, and the remarriage rate has increased too. If we do not have trust and support in the member of family, it is impossible to maintain their relationship.

 

References

AsiaNews.it (2006) Increase in divorce rate among long married couples Retrieved November13, 2009 from http://www.asianews.it/index.php?l=en&art=7392#

CBSNEWS (March 10, 2005) Singling out single families  Retrieved November 13, 2009 from http://www.cbc.ca/news/viewpoint/vp_cerralbo/20050310.html

 

Survey format – Argument

Argument: Today the friendship with friends is stronger than the relationship between husband and wife.

Please note/circle your answers

1. Gender;               Male      Female
2. How old are you?             20s         30s         40s         50s         60s
3. Do you agree with above statement? Why?    Why not?
4. Have you ever been married?   Yes (how long?                        )       No
5. Have you ever experience getting divorces before?      Yes            No
6. If you have been divorced, what was the main reason? Communication problems/Economic problems/The difference of characteristics between husband and wife/Relationship between you and your husband & wife’s family/ Spouse’s infidelity /Other (______________________________________)
7. What is the main problem with your husband/wife after getting married? (whether you are still married or not)
8. Which situations or how often do you have trouble with your husband/wife?
9. How much time do you communicate with your husband/wife in a day? Someday not at all, 5-10min, 10-30min, 30min-1hr, 1-2hrs, more 2hrs
10. If you are presently married, have you ever considered divorce? Why?
11. If you have been divorced, do you want to get married again? Why?   Why not?
12. How many people do you count as close friends?
13. Do you trust them (close friends)? Yes, why?   If not, why not?
14. How much time do you communicate with your close friends in a day? Someday not at all, 5-10min, 10-30min, 30min-1hr, 1-2hrs, more 2hrs
15. 1) I prefer to spend time with my friends than with my spouse/partner.  2) I prefer to spend time with spouse/partner than with my friends.
16. Which situations or how often do you have trouble with your close friends?
17. If you have any serious problems, who is your primary counselor?                                                                                     Spouse (why____________________________)                                                                                                                                     Close Friends (why________________________)                                                                                                                       Other (why____________________________)

 Thank you so much for your helping and have a great day.

 Note : 1. Husband/wife = spouse = partner, 2. Best friend = close friends = friends

Outline(brainstorming)-1

Thesis Statement(argument);

Today the friendship with friends is more stonger than the relationship between husband and wife because friendship has stronger bonds, easier to talk anything, and you can trust each other.

1. Claim; the friendship with friends is more stonger than the relationship between  husband and wife.

2. Reasons;

    1) Although the family unit has many advantages, friendship has stronger bonds. we hardly ever heard about broken friendship. And if we did not have a friend, we could feel lonely easier even though we had been married.

    2) Friends are easier to talk anything, anywhere and anytime.

    3) Friends can trust with each other everything. Sometimes the friendship is stronger than family love because they have been sharing many things for the long time. However, love changed according to the situations in family.

3. Opposition side;

     1)  Family relationship are still essential unit in our society

     2) The basic unit (to produce new members by families)

     3) Based on loveeach other, and support edcation, food, and health during growth.

4. Conclusion;

Family members should build friendship for each other. The best friend is better to talk with because they have friendship, they can talk whenever, and they can believe everything for each other. Therefore, if the husband and wife become friends, the family can be stronger.

Opposition opinion – Family

Normally the family is more important and priority than friends. If we hadn’t family relationship, we wouldn’t birth and live as well as our friends. No one birth without family units. Family support their family member in area of education, food, and health during growth. Therefore, husband and wife’s relationship enable to produce new member of the society, and to support the society. However, friends are just their friends, and they do not have any responsibilities. Family relationships also are related/affected their next generation. Most of children respect their fathers. If they work together for the spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and physical needs of the family, husband and wife are to be a strong relationship as most of the family.      

There are lots of beautiful stories between a man and a woman through the history. If a man and woman love each other, they want to get married. They did not want just friends. Family can share not only their love/friendship, but also their descendants.

Causes of divorce-1

According to the Internet newspaper Korea Times, divorces between couples involving a Korean and non-Korean surged by forty-one percent in 2007 in South Korea. This is a good example why best friend is better to talk with than family members. There is a big problem between Korean husband and non-Korean wife. In the first stage, it is very difficult to communicate anything each other because the wife is non-Korean. Divorces caused by miscommunication a lot of things in this case.

Love changed according to the situations in family. In addition, Families can be separated by social laws. In contrast, the friendships with friends do not affected by regulation of social laws.

A recently published report of statistics shows that the family in the USA has more than 40 percent divorce rate in 2007. The main reason for divorce was cited as character differences between spouses (46.8 percent), economic reasons (13.6 percent), trouble among family members (8 percent) and others (7.8 percent).” Unfortunately, it is increasing every year. In the case of Korea “Divorces and remarriages have been increasing since Korea became more industrialized. In a 2000 survey of 994 married couples, 13 percent of them were remarried couples; either after divorce or the death of their spouses. But the proportion of couples who remarried after divorce accounted for a growing share of the total. 323 out of 994 married couples eventually divorced.  But we hardly ever heard about broken friendship.

Friendship – Annotated Bibliography-1

Friends and Friendship Citation

“A hug is worth a thousand words. A friend is worth more.”
- Sent by Jasmine Fitzwilliam

“Friends are the most important ingredient in this recipe of life.”
- (sent by Dior Yamasaki)

“Friendship is one mind in two bodies.”
- Mencius

 Friends and Friendship Proverb

“Life without a friend is like death without a witness.”
- Spanish Proverb

 Although the family unit has many advantages, friendship has stronger bonds as mentioned avove citations and proverb.

Friends are easier to talk anything, anywhere and anytime. About five years ago, I interviewed that most of the young people would like to talk with their friends instead of their family when they have an agony. Although the father and mother are good counselors, they often do not have good relationship with their children.

Friends can trust with each other everything. The friendship is stronger than family love because they have been sharing many things deeply for the long time as Mencius said. Normally the parents just give advice and instructions for their children.

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